Tag Archives: family

Holiday Humbug

Holiday Humbug

It's Immi's first Christmas. I should be elated, overjoyed, ecstatic even. In some ways I am, but in other ways I'm not.

Sonogram 20111128-blogLet me introduce you to Connor Elliot Olivier (Baby A), brother and twin of Imogen Marie Olivier (Baby B). Some people know about him, but most don't. This time last year was literally the worst time of my life. I do not exaggerate. It was miserable.

The Monday after Thanksgiving we went in for a routine appointment with our high-risk OB. Since we were doing IVF, and I'm wicked old, and I'd lost a baby, I'm high risk. Go figure. So, we go to our appointment, only to find out that one of the babies has heart issues. We did further testing and found out that the twins were a boy and a girl. The boy had the heart problems. He would most likely not survive much longer. We already had a trip to Hawaii booked. We went to Maui & Kauai. It was a beautiful trip, but I was pretty miserable the entire time. I couldn't stop thinking about the baby boy. Was he still alive? Was he getting worse right this second? How was the girl? Would she know about her brother deep down? Would she miss him? It was just a total mindfuck all around.

We were both so miserable, we didn't do anything for Christmas. I did manage to put up our tree 3 days before Christmas. I was glad I did. Our cat Toe, who we also call "Christmas Kittie",  LURVS her some Christmas tree. She can't get enough. She likes to lay under the tree belly-up staring up at the tree when it's all lit up. It gave me a little happiness when there was none to be found. That also reminds me. This time last year we had all our 3 kitties. They were all healthy, alive, and cozy lovely. (We've lost 2 of them this year - Sundae in March, and Mama (aka Walla) in October.)

We ate Christmas dinner at Threadgill's. Usually that would bum me out, but it was actually kind of awesome. The food was delicious and it was a great vibe there. We didn't have to fake being all holiday cheerful with family or anything. No pretending, just the two of us at a restaurant eating good southern food. I even cheated on my gluten-freeness and ate some chicken-fried chicken. Treat for me, but I definitely paid for it about an hour later. Quickest reaction I'd ever had. S'ok, it was totes worth it.

My mom came to visit after Christmas since we were so miserable, and she wanted to hug me. She's a great mom that way. While she was here, we found out on December 30th that Connor was gone. There was some risk to Imogen, the next couple weeks would be stressful too. Once we passed those couple of weeks I thought we were in the clear.

But we all know the risk was not over. The reason Immi came early was Connor. He had settled onto my cervix and my cervix started to thin. Thus, I was put into the hospital on bed rest. I gave birth to Connor on April 3rd. Immi was born April 7th.

EDITED TO ADD: I started writing this about a week before Christmas. In that time, maybe because of putting these thoughts into words, I was able to get more into the Christmas spirit. My only regret is that my mom and brother weren't with me. But otherwise, it was a pretty fantastic holiday. Next year will be oodles and oodles better even, I imagine. Immi will be older and I'm guessing more into getting gifts and whatnot. I'll actually do stocking stuffers, and maybe even shop earlier than a week before Christmas. I will always think of Connor with a bit of sadness this time of year, but for Immi it will always be a happy time. I'm sure the pain will lessen every year that passes. I will always remember 2011 for being the year I lost my 2 baby boys. It was a total suck ass year. But, I'll look into Immi's eyes, and it will always make me smile. I might not have my boys, but I do have her. And she is precious and magical and the happiest baby I've ever encountered. I really can't ask for more than that.

So, with that, I say Happy Holidays.

25 Random Things About Me

25 Random Things About Me

Ok, I did this for Facebook, but I ended up digging it quite a bit, so I'm duplicating the post here. I'm also doing this in response to a tag I got from a fellow EntreCarder... Pinklady.  Thanks for those that tagged me on this!  It was hella fun.

1. I have very little sympathy for humans, but can cry over road kill. Animals are at our mercy people.

2. I have written 4 paragraphs of a vampire-type book I want to write. But that was over a year ago. I feel like me and creativity no longer know each other.

3. I eat meat, but I CANNOT deal with raw meat. It's gross. The vegetarian husband cooks all my meat for me :D

4. My house burning down was one of the best things to happen to me. Except I lost all of my yearbooks.

5. I still feel like I'm a kid. I seriously don't want to grow up. (Mom, I'll never dress like an adult. It's just not in me.)

6. I have a screw in my left fifth metatarsal. I broke said bone while walking on a flat surface, wearing flat (but 2 inch soles) shoes. According to my husband, I went to the "Aggie School of Walking". I will never hear the end of this. Also, if I sit cross-legged with my left foot on the floor, I can feel the head of the screw.

7. I cannot seem to grasp the importance of taking care of myself. The basics are painful to me. Eating, sleeping, drinking water, facial regimens, makeup... These things take way more work than they should. My husband has to constantly remind me to eat.

8. I desperately want a female BFF. Someone I can call and just chitchat with if I wanted to. Or even better... show up at her house and just hang. What a friggin' concept.

9. Not only do I absolutely adore Justin Timberlake, but I have a really unexplainable love of all things catchy and poppy.

10. I really love listening to Rap/Hip-Hop at insanely high volumes.

11. I know a lot of ladies think they are gross, but I only use OB tampons.

12. I wouldn't be brokenhearted if I never have a kid. I'm just too spoiled and selfish.

13. I cannot be the person who breaks a spine on a book. I read a book just opened enough to see the words.

14. I will never not dye my hair anything but red. It's an obsession... or a mistake by nature. I should have just been born that way.

15. I'm seriously contemplating getting gastric bypass/lap-band.

16. I have a word doc for every television show I've ever watched. I keep track of what episodes I have & have not seen. Don't judge.

17. I scan in every single receipt that my husband and I get. Granted, it does help with taxes, but still. It's kinda weird, I know.

18. I've been rejected by SXSW twice for the same short film that I wrote/produced/edited, but I'm still giddy that I even have something to submit to a film festival. Hollah!

19. I feel like I talk too much, and am far too open with what I talk about, so that makes people not like me. (Perhaps reason for lack of #8). You'd think this would shut me up, but I think it just proves that nothing can shut me up.

20. I feel like I'm maybe two bad incidents from being an agoraphobe.

21. I'm damn proud of my 2 years in individual therapy and the 3 years in group therapy, and have never been afraid to tell anyone. I'd highly recommend group therapy for pretty much anyone. I think we as people really have no clue how to communicate with others with any degree of decent depth.

22. I really dislike it when someone touches my fortune cookie before I do (excluding the server, of course). Most of my friends/family know this and are very good about it. Thanks buddies!

23. I adore monotonous, tedious, even repetitive tasks. I'm about to take up knitting. It'll be a BLAST!

24. If I ever get a tattoo, it'll be on the top of my foot. Possibly a Shakespeare quote. However, I can't quite get to that level of commitment.

25. I miss my eyebrow piercing.

A Quick Pic

A Quick Pic

A sick Mikey with his nurse, Sundae. This is them RIGHT NOW! I couldn't pass up the cuteness.

Ho-Ho-Holidays

Ho-Ho-Holidays
Sorry for the lag in updates. My brother turned out to be my Secret Santa, but my mom still managed to give me something -- a vicious cold. At least I didn't get it until the day before she left here. I didn't realize how bad she was feeling while she was here until I had it myself. That woman cooked for two whole days feeling like complete butt. Of course she didn't say a thing. She made it seem like it was just allergies or something. For me, at some points, it felt like too much work to lay on the couch and stare at the TV. I do feel a bit better, I can now breathe through one nostril. So, besides my recent misery, we had a pretty great Christmas. Mike and I picked my parents up at the airport and we made a quick stop to the farmer's market. It was so insanely windy that day that it was quite the task to walk around, but we managed. We then met up with my brother and his wife at the Maudie's on 360. Very tasty, good times. Usually our get togethers can be filled with so much planned that it feels rushed and it's over in an instant. We managed to do a pretty good job at chillin' this time. We did do a few great things, but we mostly just spent time together. Some of our events included the Trans-Siberian Orchestra dinner & concert, where dinner was disgusting, and I was pretty mad we paid so much for it. Won't do that again. The concert was excellent, almost made up for the gross food. We also went to The Melting Pot. I really like this place, I think it's a lot of fun. Apparently, I'm alone in this regard. Not quite the hit I was hoping for. The day they left, we went to Dim Sum. I have had some Dim Sum in the past, and it was OK, but this place was pretty good. It was down south and in some hotel. Hardly looks like anything on the outside, but it was pretty good. Ok, that's all I got in me at the moment. Hopefully, as I start to feel better, I'll be chattier.